Journal #1

A not so amazing life time with not so amazing people.
A lack of self preservation and a shortage of dignity,
self control being known as a special gift to those
who see it as a curse and a reason to stand apart from
everyone else.
As reality begins to set in no one really can comprehend
the unexplainable movements their going through.
Can no on actually see life damnation that's been dealt us.
How truly unamazing nor significant we are, how of
little importance we are to the world and the people around.
Have you ever stopped to notice how no one questions a thing
about life's endeavor's. No one mentions the flaws they
witness or the emotions that over take a human's state of mind.
Sometimes it happens, those feelings that over power your right
sense, being left to your own devices.
Could you really live a life without anyone else by your side?
That's what I believed. You could stay on your own for so long
without wishing to die in your own self pity or agony.
Could there be such a world where you there's no hassle
or discrepancy in your society.



© K

Vanilla Bean

My type, that's what he is..just my type.
Short, buff, dark eyes, sporty, good grades, good boy.
SIKE!
Blue eyes, white skin, sparkely golden-brown hair, that has more life alone than I do. Skates, is almost the exact opposite from me in so many ways. He fits my type. He that secretly smart underachiever.



END OF CLASS. WILL BE CONTINUED.



© K

Always By My Side.

I know I'll always have people who will never leave my side.
No matter how many ups and downs we have and all the ones to come.
There will always be someone there whose looking out for me.
Not letting anything bad happen to me.
Won't let anyone hurt me or come between us.
And they'll love me forever no matter what we've gone through.
They'll always stand me strong.
Be there to bash on me and still pat my back just to let me know again they're just kidding and mean nothing by it.
To call me an Asian Mexican and make fun of my chinky eyes and my dark skin.
To sit in out computer class and edit the pictures we took in second period and ask our teacher for help despite it has nothing to do with the class.
Best friends.


© K

Done With Dilemmas.

I'm not a door mat for everyone to walk all over.
I'm so sick of dealing with petty drama and rumors and people being shit heads.
Because they think their cool if hey say it. I'm so over hearing people say shit about me and my friends and our choices. Get over it and get your own lives people. For crying out loud none of this shit is even going to matter in 3 years when we're done with high school and away from it all.


© K

My Home.

I'm a million miles away smiling at a camera on the other side. I'm on the way to visit my heart in my home town and I'm so far out, it'd be impossible to reach me. I'm already gone, but maybe in 5 or 10 I'll be back again. I use to dream these stories if waking up here again, counting those very seconds til I'd be home again. But not I'm back and I still feel empty and I realize. That when I lay awake at night, biting on my lips to stop from letting out the tears. I think back to where you are in all of these and why you aren't here. To stop my rage and all those broken lines. To fight off all the hurt and tell me it'd be alright. To beat up anyone who broke my heart and hold me when I hit the floor. To stand me tall when I was so lost and insecure. To guide me back to find myself when I'm still gazing out on my journey back home.



© K

My Apologizes.

I know I'm always in a rush to go and be gone away for a life time. It really hurts when I have to stop and even cherish the fights. I want you to know, I'm already missing the times I pretended to hear you say it's alright. Even when you were sick like tonight and you would tell me not to worry. It hurts to know you were just going along. It makes me wait, and take back a step, to hold it all in. Boxed and packed. I keep my emotions hidden and locked away in a secret place, behind closed doors so no one, not even you can find them. For so long you were my release, my only outlet to make it through the day. As time went on you became the one thing that could always make me cry. I moved on to other things to keep me sane, from hurting anyone or myself, to make sure I never broke out and made a scream or shout.



© K

I Survived

I've made it through these last two years without you by my side. I'm not sure I'm doing so fine though. It's been rough to find my way. I don't think you'd be so proud to see, how many ways I've tried. It's never enough to say I'm done. To call it quits just like you. I could never make the same mistake as you. I learned so much from you more than I thought I ever could. You made me see the joy in life and the fear of death. To stand tall no matter how much you want to fall. You let me go when you said it'd never happen. I never thought I'd see the day I fell so hard, I didn't see anything that could make it hurt so bad. I didn't think anything could make me cry so many wet-less tears. To make me sob in agony and my own self pity and emptiness. But then, you were gone.

August 17, 1990-October 17, 2007

Loved always, forgotten never.





© K

Words to the Wise

NO ONE. Not one single soul, is going to be honest with you. No matter how many times you tell them to be. Even though you tell them, how it wont hurt your feelings. How it wont effect anything if they could just be honest. But no. No person in this world. Can ever be straight up honest with you. They fear what will happen if god forbid they were actually not only honest with you, but themselves.




© K

Lost Hopes

There was so much there.
A life time of stories and a lasting friendship to come.
So much left that was unexplained and so much to still be there for.
We were so close to everything, every goal worth reaching, every talk worth having. And living a life you thought was worth living.
All the hard times still to come and all the fights that were never won.
The kiss and make ups and hit and break ups. All those moments that lasted just a second to long for everyone but us.
The hours we spent talking late at night and days we spent together.
How time flew by when you were around, and how now each second drags on longer and longer.
How I hate myself for not deciding what to feel.
Whether to miss and love you, or to be glad it's over and hate you.
Either way I hate myself for doing either.
You always won those battles I had with myself.
How it seems so stupid now to sit and look back.
How foolish I was to think I could fix it.
But now I know better.
Time is never wasted, but possibly spent wrongly.
And nothing is regrettable but learn from that mistake.
And loving you was never my problem. It was loving you so much to the point where I could break.
Not trusting myself. And dealing with it the wrong way.
Letting you go so easily.
Tore me up in two.
And as I watched you leave me behind, and not shed a single tear.
Broke me, even more than I could bare.
When I see you around so careless and still unphased.
While I stand there with my body shaking softly and my lip trembling oh so slightly.
All my heart can do is try to hold it's beat.
And hold my breath til I cant see you anymore.


© K

Truth

It's not the words of our enemies, it's the silence of our friends.
To be happy doesn't mean everything is perfect, it means that
you have decided to see beyond the imperfections.
To accept it's allowed to be selfish.
To acknowledge the quieter you become the more you can hear.
To see that everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.
That if you touch one thing with deep awareness you touch
everything.
That patience is key to joy.



© K

November 6, 2008

When the sun stops shining.
And the moon stops glowing.
The world still goes on.
People may never wonder
what really goes on.
But we walk the dim lit
streets without questions.
All with such innocent smiles.



© K

October 19, 2008

I stand there looking towards the sky.
Making such a useless attempt not to die.
I bite down so hard, my lips start to bleed.
And all that time spent on so many anxiety attacks
come back with a crash.
All those wasted letters still messy in stacks.
With ruby red shed memories laid out on your bed.
Believe what you will but I'd prefer to see
out my window sill.
To see all the heart filled tears that meant so much.
And if only they were painted pictures on the
walls, so cold to the touch just like you.




© K

October 1, 2008

I need room to breath, and when there's no air to gasp for.
It's hard not to crack, so I sit up at night in my so silent room staring at the ceiling.
Waiting to breath.



© K

Realizations

So I've come to realize how pathetic the world we live in is and how we waste our lives and our time on little things like writing these blogs or arguing with teachers or texting every minute of every hour or trying to "dress to impress" at school every morning and doing all these little things before we go to sleep. It's amazing how much we do in a day yet complain how there's still so much we have to do. How many hours we spend procrastinating. How long we glue our eyes to the tv or at our ceiling. Little things to think about.

Typing up poems tomorrow :]



© K

Finding a New Connection

So as a result of a fucked up, twisted relationship.
It's over, it sucked.
I'm over it.

This school year, is going to be a new start. Sort to speak.
I'm learning that shit happens for a reason, and within time.
You'll get what you need.

So I'm being patient.
I'm meeting new people and actually caring.
Other people, for once in my life actually matter to me.
What they say and think affects me.

My words are speaking louder than my violent actions.
I'm starting to shine light on people about who and how I really am.
It's a nice feeling to know, and my dance class has really showed me how to express myself better through my actions.
As time is slowly passing by, I'm seeing why so many people try to live in the moment and not get caught up in all the drama and dilemmas.

But as I ponder over such things, I wonder why those who do get sucked in allow it.
How they feel and think.

How those who read my blogs think of me and what I'm writing.
How by meeting one new person, can alter a life.
By so much, yet it's one new thing.

I'm in my web design class, sitting next to one of my best friends.
We're discussing a film project we want to do, based off something that happened last year.
How what we think is such a great idea could be seen as something so bad to restate.

I think back to everything that happened last year and all these different events that were at the time so life changing, and meant everything to me and her.
Something so big and important, yet in actuality so minuscule and dullest terms.
Lame.




© K

first encounter (2)

   “I’m guessing it’s early morning, maybe around 5 or 6. It’s rather cold, hence my guess of earliness. I should only hope we’re half way there. We’ve been walking forever in the middle of no where,” said a deep, smooth voice from behind me.

   I didn’t think anyone was around, well more so hoping no one was. I walked away as quiet as I possibly could, I didn’t even hear footsteps!

   “Not that I’m creeped out or scared, but who’s there?” 

There was a soft chuckle, I could see the glowing of his perfect white and straight teeth, or was that the moon light glistening off of them?

   Either way, he had an amazing smile for a possible pedophile, and a beautiful voice by the sound of it.  There was no answer, just a breeze of cold air. Now standing close enough I could feel his chilled breath on my face. The voice answered, “My name is Emery Strister, and your name would be?” 

   I felt as if my soul was being sucked out, I could feel my knees shaking weakly, just like a Japanese school girl would be if she saw her favorite artist, minus the passing out.

   Barely coughing up an answer, I managed to spit out my name. “My name is Kioko.” As I listened to my name eco off my own lips, I thought of how I looked. Average size, jet black, silky hair cropped short. Tanned skin and darkish brown eyes that sparkled. Emery never answered. 

“Silence the chatter I thought to myself, it’s too distracting,” but of course in a sarcastic tone. I felt an odd sigh of relief since Emery hadn’t responded. Yet still, I felt someone watching me. 

   Had he really left, was he observing me? Ten seconds had gone by since the last word in my head passed, and he spoke with such a soft breath, so quiet and subtle. He said, “What a pretty name you’ve got there, doesn’t it mean ‘happy child’ or of the sort..?” I took a deep breath and was stunned that he could know such a thing. He didn’t look as if he was very cultured from what lighting I had, or as if he didn’t get out much, he was pale, with jet black hair, beaming ice blue eyes with a black rim. “I didn’t mean to scare you Kioko, but I am not as which you think, I read constantly of 'your kind’.

  I am not a typical person you’d expect to meet in the middle of the forest at 6:30 in the morning. In that meaning I am not a cold, blooded killer.” (Besides the fact that it’s abnormal to meet someone you don’t know in the middle of the woods, but that’s not the point.) And oddly enough as soon as he said those very words, I dropped to my knees. I didn’t know what happened, but it felt like my body went into cardiac arrest. All I saw was black, and I could have sworn I opened my eyes to see where I was, but nothing was there, just blackness. The light under the door turned on, I saw the glow with footsteps near it.

   There wasn’t just one person anymore, who had he brought, was I imagining things? I mean, I know I’m partially insane, and I practically never make sense, but this was real, I know it was! Where could I possibly be? It was just about 5 minutes in counting when the light in the room turned on, my body went tense, you’d never tell I was an active 15 year old girl by the way I reacted to the ultra-violet light. Unleashed, or at least the pressure was released. I could breath, but at the same time it didn’t feel like I needed to.  I could see, kind of, I was still blinded, but I could see. I could breath, though I didn’t have to. Now what was left to figure out?

 

   I hear a loud noise. I jumped at the sound, my heart was pounding, I could see, there weren’t any bright lights, and I was breathing and needing to. I woke up to my alarm ringing; it was 7:00 AM. That meant it was my last day of school…well at least till I moved to California to my dad’s. This was the time of day when I wished I were able to sleep for just a little bit longer. To with my awakening meant I need to get ready for my last day at Lunatic High school. Or I do believe jail, hell, purgatory was the right word. If there were any better way to serve my sins this was it.

   Now I thought to myself about my amazingly real feeling dream, was it really a dream? Oh how I wish it wasn’t despite the fact that it really was a dream, with the perfect guy ever. How I dreaded this day for months, it’s the middle of the year and my parent is shipping me to a different state.  Isn’t life just perfect that way? It’s the middle of your life and you have to pack it up in boxes and move. Just to think maybe I could have never woken up from that amazing dream! I could have sat there happily.

   What a dream. I got up to realize someone in my room, on my bed with me. "You're still having those dreams?" asked the dark-haired girl who sat cross-legged on the bed, who happened to be my sister Alicea. Being mad at her because, she being the lucky dog that she is doesn’t have to move. She gets to stay at home with dear mum. SO I ignored her questions as usual. I thought about what I needed for school, I packed it. I was done, now off I went. The car ride with my mother was silent, till my sister mentioned my dreams. My mother seemed startled, and worried. She dropped me off at the corner like any other day, and that was it.

  I walked into the gates of my school, my sanctuary.  Well, technically anything but home was. Just 8 hours and I’m out of here, I’d be moving hours away, into the valley in some suburbia called Woodland Hills.  My stomach was killing me, felt like I was being stabbed a thousand times in the same spot. I went home early on my last day. Go figure, so I went home packed the rest of my belongings then left to the airport. I thought to myself what would it be like, I haven’t seen my dad in months, and I mean months, last I knew he was getting re-married to some dumb ex-whore…okay maybe not whore, but she’s stupid enough. I fell asleep, having the same dream as before, just wishing it were real like in the book I was reading the other day, “Inkheart.”

 

    When I woke up I was here in Burbank airport, getting off the plane onto a bus and then sitting on the bench outside waiting for my dad to show up, I knew Charlie was always late so I told him my bus got in earlier. He found me lying across the bench staring up at the sky as I did when I was younger. I stood up with no excitement, like I truly had no pulse. He picked me up and squeezed me tight. He chattered away and I pretended to care and pay attention. We went to his house, he didn’t stay quiet the whole ride home. I never knew a man could talk so much without his jaw falling off.

 

   It was 8:00 PM when we walked in the door, and guess who was there to greet us…his wife to be. Her name was Janice, blonde, light green eyes with blue rims, pink lips and white teeth. She almost looks like a Malibu Barbie. I was as nice as could be to this woman I’d never met, after about 5 minutes of hearing her obnoxious voice I blocked her out and left to my room. I decided to make this place familiar so I took my stuff and settled in, and then went for my nightly jog. The air was cold and breezy; it was getting hard to breath out of my mouth. My nose was cold along with my ears. Running down the street I wasn’t familiar with. The lights were starting to turn on, all at once flickering then permanently on.

 

  My pulse. My heartbeat. My breathing. They all stopped. I saw him, the boy in my dream, I saw him, and he was sitting right there, on the curb.

Sitting on the curb! Playing with a flower between his fingers. It looked to be a dead rose, dark blood red, with rips in it. I was about half a block away from my new home. He looked up, saw me and dropped his jaw. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, and he was gone. I didn’t take a breath yet and he was gone. The night and shining armor that tried to kill me in my dreams was gone. What happened? How can he have been in my dreams and yet live in a complete different state?

 

  The next morning I woke up and no one was home, so I went walking again in search of Emery. I wanted to see him again, see if he actually knows who I am, find out how he disappeared so fast! Stare into his ice blue eyes, and get lost. Though he was my kidnapper in my dream I want to fall for him. He had such a mesmerizing look to him. Never have I heard such a beautiful voice from a complete stranger in the middle of the woods. I walked to the park to find not a person there, not even a bird. I walked into the gated box of sand, and sat on the swings, listening to the air push by with a struggle. The swing creaked as I swung back and forth in the dark space. The sky was becoming crowded with dark clouds and cold air.

 

   Within a moment I looked up and I saw him. Emery, with his short black hair, his ice blue eyes, and pale skin and lips, his perfect white teeth. His teeth, something very odd about his teeth, when he grinned it were as if to seem that his canine teeth were pointed, and sharp. Almost like…vampire teeth were said to be. He walked slowly to the swing next to me, sat down and smiled, then started swinging. He opened his mouth and made a noise, as he did it looked like he intended to show me his tooth. He said in a soft voice, “You wish to know why is it that I look so familiar, from your dream at that. Am I correct?” I nodded and tried to speak, but not a word came out of my try mouth.

 

   He laughed in that amazingly cute chuckle. He looked at me with those piercing eyes and I was lost. I felt weak again and dropped off the swing on to the sand, I could feel it in my ears, rubbing again my scalp like someone was stroking my hair back. I opened my eyes and it was dark again like in my dream, but this time, there was no outside light, but only a lamp on the desk I presume that was next to me. I could see the glow from underneath my eyelids, and sense the heat from the lamp. I could hear someone’s footsteps next to me, almost like the person was pacing. I could hear the whispers. It sounded like a girl, or a boy who hasn’t hit puberty just yet.

  

   I felt the bands be untied from my wrist or just loosened maybe. I felt his breath again my neck, I could feel the air from his lips press against me. The pressure from him forming words puckering off and into my ear. He whispered to me the words to “Hush Little Baby Don’t You Cry” in a coarse husky voice, one I’ve yet to hear till now. It was scary, rough, mean, and harsh in the sense, I never imagined hearing a mean voice by him, him of all people. He left me in a room, in the dark, where I didn’t know if I’d live to see tomorrow. He came back maybe about ten minutes after. Walked up to me and said in a frustrated tone, “I can’t explain how I meet you in your dream, and then you move to a different state and become my neighbor. But I know that I can find you no matter what, and since I was looking for you. I found you in a dream, which I wasn’t, suppose to show up in. But you are here now, I don’t know how, but you are, and…I’m just babbling at this point so I’ll just stop.”

 

   I felt a smile grow over my face and I whispered in a strong quiet voice, “What are you?” Taken off guard, he still replied, “I am not what you would expect but I am what I am, and I am no different than any human.” In a sudden state of curiosity, my reply was short. “SO you expect me to think that you’re not human? That you’re a type of scientific species?” He nodded. I closed my eyes and opened the again, stared at him and said “Prove it then.” He smirked and said “Though we’ve only been together in dyer circumstances, I love you already.” I giggled in a flirtatious way, closed my eyes and he bit me. I could feel the warmth of my blood turn cold, and I felt gone.

   I was light, heartless and without a pulse. I had died without realizing what I had wished for. I recovered and awoken to bright lights that made my skin feel like it was burning off. Peeling layer by layer. I jumped up after a good few seconds of my skin sizzling. I was outside my house, my neck with two puncture marks, burnt hands and my face peeling. I was safe in my house, running to hide in my new room. No one called for me, no one looked for me, and it was as if they forgot I existed, I went to his house every day, I stayed with him all night, and I lived my life with him. I was his maiden vampire, his new lover and yet we didn’t need a school, a friend or an internet dating site, only a dream. 

© K

first encounter (1)

 

    Coffee bean smell, dim lights, loud raindrops, thunder, and 60’s music in the background. Many empty tables, it wasn’t a busy night, not by far. Laughter exploding from opposite corners of the shop. Cups and dishes clanking against each other. Shaking my feet under my chair, flipping through pages. Cute boys walking in and out of the doors. Sipping away on my Oreo cookie shake, reading up and down the pages of my book called Vampire Kisses. I saw a boy pull up a chair next to me. I looked over to see an unfamiliar face smile at me. Searching for an answer as to why he sat at my table within his eyes. Trying to focus back on my book. He started talking to me, randomly asking questions, saying things, though I didn’t respond.

 

  Finally he stopped, I thought he had left, I looked up from my book in search for my drink. I looked up and saw his face, blank, yet so amazingly beautiful, flawless. His blue eyes wondering, searching. His face stayed still, lost in thought I assumed. He came back to meet my gaze, still smiling at me. He started talking to me again. I looked at him; about to cut him off, then he started talking about himself. I studied every word he said carefully. Wondering how to comment on his thorough “about him”. Looking at his lips as he pronounced each and every word. Subtly I took over the conversation. Telling him about my travels, and my life story within minutes. Exchanged glances and walked over to Ben and Jerry’s ice cream parlor. He ordered a large cup of chocolate chip cookie dough, (which happens to now be my favorite because of him). As we ate out ice cream in the pouring rain, he resumed to asking questions about myself. Trading off after every other question.

 

  The rain lightened up a little. I didn’t really notice it was raining to begin with. Currently happy in my surrounding. Obsessively smiling after every statement, or question answered or asked. Hoping he’d tell me his name, daydreaming of the possibilities. He seemed rather amused by the face I made as he got up. I thought he was getting up and leaving me. He came back and sat down beside me, I blushed in embarrassment. He chuckled and rested his head against my upper thigh. People around us stared in curiosity or so I thought. Leaning down to whisper something in his ear, he looked up at me in disbelief or amazement, I wasn’t sure. His voice soothing, his voice, like my ice cream was melting away into my blood stream.

 

   As he laid there in silence, I focused on his facial structure. Tracing all the his scars with my hand. Resisting to ask how he got them. Thinking of what else to ask, I didn’t have to. He beat my to it. In a sense I was annoyed and disappointed that I didn’t get to ask first. Brushing off the slight annoyance off like it was air. I felt giddy about the question he had just recently asked me. Trying to keep a straight face, I had to think as if I were playing poker. Keeping a calm state of mind so he couldn’t tell I was hiding my blush. Biting at my lower lip, thinking of how to answer. Questioning myself as to how I would answer this? Such a blunt, straightforward question to ask someone you only met about…five hours ago. Again leaning down to answer his question, a spark lit up in his eyes. Almost like a twinkle, in his gorgeous deep blue eyes, his pale pink lips

    curled up at the edges like as if I folded the corners of a books page. Within those next few minutes of silence, his phone rang.

 

   His face turned dark, his eyes lost their spark, and his voice went slick and hoarse. He seemed annoyed, he raised his voice, the words muffled so I couldn’t hear, and he shut his phone. He sat back down, looked up at me and calmed himself, not saying a word to me, took my phone and pressed a couple of buttons as I hovered over his shoulder watching. After he was finished he turned back to me and handed it back. I looked in my phonebook to see if he had placed himself in there. He had, but without a name. I turned back to ask why he left his name out, but he was gone. I turned back the other way, I could feel my face tense, I could feel the sadness and the hurt rising because he left without saying goodbye. I turned again and saw him sitting there next to me smiling. He saw the annoyance in my eye and hugged me. I could hear his heartbeat, going as fast as a racecar. His arms were strong, steady. The blood in his veins was warm, his hands and face were cold, and wet from the rain. I whispered a question into his ear, I asked for his name. He smiled and answered in a steady, smooth voice, “Jamye”. I smiled back, and gave him my name before he could ask himself.

 

   He laid his head back down, and took my book, he read the title aloud, “Vampire Kisses.” He studied the cover and finally spoke. “You know, everyone loves a vampire, and I do believe you would make a ravishing one.” He grinned and pretended to bite my wrist. I flinched as his teeth wrapped around my flesh. It was getting dark, and it was starting to rain, warm droplets fell from the sky ahead. My phone rang at the exact time his did, listening to what the people on the other end had to say, and hung up. We both sighed/ “I have to go” we both said. Staring sadistically at each other. I took his phone from his cold hands and programmed my number, closed it and gave it back without a fight. Took one last deep breath took a step forward and hugged him. I started to walk away, I looked back and he grinned at me as I ran. Ever since that night in October, days away from his birthday, we were friends, best friends. We spoke every day and every night for hours. Saw each other when we had the time. Wishing everyday that went by was like that night. Till one day, on August 17, 2007. My best friend, Jamye Trister vanished from my life forever. He is greatly missed, and he will always be greatly missed.

 

“ In a world of difference.

Everything is wrong.

Every flaw in this world is so corrupt,

 so dramatic, so highly disliked.

Searching for profound beauty, someone

To fondle over the city.

People smighted by thinking of innocence,

and or kindness.

When everyone feels that violated trust.

We’ll know there is no more indifference.”

--Jamye Trister--

© K

child like

i miss when... 

getting high meant swinging on the playground

protection meant wearing a helmet

all u could get from boys were cooties

race issues were who could run the fastest

and war was only a card game

your worst enemies were your siblings

and the only drug we knew was cough medicine

the only thing that hurt us were scraped knees

and goodbyes meant only until tomorrow and we couldn't wait to grow up.

© K

it's tourment

 

I am locked in this place
With no key to release me
It is choking me slowly
Taking all the oxygen
All I can hear are the voices within
They scream and they call names
I can't move, yet I feel
I feel all the hands on me
They push me and they shove me
Sometimes they even hit me
I can't get out
I am locked in this place
With no key to release me
I try to shove my way through
Yet, I still can't move
I am stuck in this place of hurt
I can't get out
I can't do this anymore
I need out, but...
I can't get out
I may be locked in here forever

© K

over all speech

Situation One.

 

Listen to me. Forget about him.

 

Because if you have something you want or you think you want and you just give up like that. You’ll never forgive yourself when it comes back later.

 

Ohk, wait for him, if he doesn’t come back, move on

 

No no, see. That's the thing. You can move on, but not give up. That's the beauty of it. No matter what happens, that thing, that person will ALWAYS be in your head or your heart. It doesn't matter how long you've known them, or how well. It's just that you let them in. If you can manage to let someone in that far and just let them leave just like that without thinking about it. Then that's for you. But by letting them go, you're letting go a memory, and a feeling.

 

..I’m going to quote you on that ohk, I quoted you on that

 

Letting go of a memory or a feeling or anything else that has been on your mind or your heart.  Never being able to recover that, that power within. You'd never learn. If you don't learn or if you don't remember anything from what has been done, how will you ever grasp how this crappy fucked up world works? People don't last in this world because they do not pay close attention to how the community works.

 

 

 

I'm going to go moap in peace.

Hmm. Bitter, is a fun state of being.
Never knowing what to expect when you wake up each and every cold morning.
Always seeming to wake up and wonder.
Just sitting in the chilled quiet morning.
Undecided, confused, and unworried.
Unquestionable. Unsatisfied. Constant.
Repetitive. Uncertain. Believable.

I know I don't make much sense to you all, but to me it's like typing out the ABC's.

© K

mirror mirror

Today I found a friend,
who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
and the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders,
and listened to my dreams.

She listened to how I felt about life and love,
and knew what it all means.
Not once did she interrupt me,
or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long
I reached out to this friend
To show her that I care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there
I went to hold her hand
To pull her a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
Was nothing but my mirror.