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I've traveled far along with you
We walked the world and together grew
It will be strange being without you
You gave me strength and helped me grow
But now it's time to be on my own
I hope you know, this was difficult
A part of you is a part of me
And will always be
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
We'll go on our separate ways
It may be hard, but I'm not afraid
I think it's good life makes us change
So don't be sad
The best is yet to come
But until it does
Just hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
I won't forget those times
I won't forget those feelings
So don't forget I'm going to see you again
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand

you've lost my respect..and you've lost me.

peanut butter.

it kills me a little more each time i hear your name or see your face and realize how easy it was for you to let go of everything there was.
it pains me to know it's all because of her.
and it makes me feel dead inside.
i came to realize, i don't understand why i was so happy with you.
but i was happy, happy as i've ever been.
and you took it all away.

the letters,

"...I want you to know that you'll always have a place in my heart and I want you to know that is you have to only look out for yourself to stay sane then fuck it...you do you...I'm not suppose to love you I'm not suppose to care I'm not suppose to live my life wishing you were there I'm not suppose to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I cant help myself I'm in love with you..."

"...The fact that I am the luckiest guy alive to look at such a face as yours with such a gorgeous smile that takes away my breath, and the fact that you're easy to compliment because you're just plain flawless. Pure beauty babe..."

"...I love you because you're you. You're independent, your heart is swollen with love and I wish I could show you how beautiful your personality is. I miss you so much..."

"...I like the way you make me laugh. I like how you look when you hear something stupid. I love the way your hair got in your face and then when you smiled, it was pure icing. I love your personality and the way you act is priceless. I loved it when you bit my lip, drives me up a wall. I like that I can make you feel good on a bad day and I love that I feel that I can do nothing all day but look at your face and be perfectly okay with not doing anything else. I love the affection that you have and give and on a less mature note, you turn me on like a light..."

once more.

I woke up at 5AM, to get all nice and sparkly was for him.
I knew I was seeing him in just hours.
He was so close I was almost twitching.

There he saw walking towards me.
I could feel the adrenaline rush through.
The earger urge to just run and jump on him surely crossed my mind.
I couldn't help but kiss him right then and there.
We walked to a little corner hidden by walls.
Talking...listening to his voice as it rang in my head.
Putting our phones on the floor next to my feet, and I looked at him.
I leaned in for it and kissed him, again and again.
I couldn't stop this time, I didn't want to. I didn't want it to end.
Seconds away from grabbing his face, straddling him and staying in that way forever.
But of course Jerry drove by and gave me a look.

He walked away like I hoped he wouldn't...I looked back and there he went.


I never knew I could care about a person so much, till I saw you with her.
The pain that struck me right then was indescribable, I was stuck being still.
I couldn't move, and then I thought I lost you...I'm losing you regardless of what I'd like.


I love you though. Always.

reassurance.

I pulled his lip, gently at first.
As he pushed into me more and more, the bites got harder.
Propped on an arm, leaning into me.
Arm around me, pulling my hair at the faintest touch, holding my neck, holding my back, caressing my legs from ankle to thigh, circling my stomach, brushing my ribs.
Pressing on my stomach, slowly moving his hand down under my shorts.
I wanted him to, but I stopped him.
I wish I didn't, but I knew that was going too far.
I knew it would hurt me in the end, I knew caring would tear me apart when push came to shove.

I wanted him to mark me. Mark me as him, where only I could see.
Something to remember him, that dawn, that very moment.
Something more than just a stain on my lips and his scent on my clothes, or in my hair.
I wanted something to last me a life time.

I swore to him that no one would ever know.
No matter if it happened again, or if I ever hated him.
It'd be our secret, forever.







*You asked me if I was okay with this.
I'm far from okay, but I accept it. Because I have no other choice but to accept it.
You aren't mine for the taking, not like it's stopped me before.
But I think you would chose her anyway..

unfair.

Sitting on his lap, trying to get him to come dance with me.
Shoes kicked to the side somewhere near us on the floor.
Dress rising up from the friction against his jeans.
Beer in hand, getting lighter and lighter.
Hand in his hair, head on his shoulder, hand sliding to my hips, to my waist, to my legs.
Lowering ourselves to the floor, my legs right next to his, my hips above, circling over his.
Perfectly in sync, moving smoothly together with a slight sex appeal.
Back to the chair, moving in slowly, taking my time to make my move.
Till I find out, he's not mine to take.
If he didn't matter, neither would she. I care far to much to ruin something like that.
But none of it mattered after the party.

We laid in the dark on the bed with Angel laying next to us, half awake. Zoning in and out.
They knew about Chris, we were making fun of him after I told them everything that happened.

We laid there whispering, looking at each other. So deep.
Rolling back and forth, like it was a wrestling game. Playfully biting, whoever bit the other got a point. ( I still say I won :] )
He pulled me in closer, and closer with each roll.
He tried to bite me, i licked his nose.
He buried his face in the blanket we had our heads on and laughed.

He pulled me in so close our faces we millimeters apart, so close that our lips grazed.
It took everything in me not to graze back and kiss him right then, just like that.
And again, he tried to bite me.
He knew how I played, that didn't stop him. I could feel it, he wanted it just as bad as I did.
I told him I'd play dirty, that I didn't care. He wanted me to show him.

I licked his lips, on so delicately. He leaned in that last millimeter and our lips touched.
Pressing into each other, body against body. Completely, against each other.
Criminally intertwined.
I could feel the edges of our lips curl into smiles.
Stupidly, I pushed back looking at him stunned. I know he knew why, there was no question in our minds other than "what the fuck, just happened?"

I kissed him again anyway, I couldn't stop myself it was like my body just pushed my mind out of the way and listened to my heart.
Like I needed to feel him. Just kissing him, our lips only pressed together.
My whole body was electrified. Every molecule of me was alive and feeling this kiss.
Everything I'd been craving for so long, I felt it.
Stopped again, he didn't want to stop. We knew what we were doing was wrong.
But no one is dumb enough to stop a crime of passion.

We wanted this. He wanted this.
He cared about me, he wanted me to feel everything he saw in me.
Despite the consequence.

I don't know if it was for me or him, to be constantly reassured if I was okay.
I couldn't tell if he was secretly asking himself, didn't matter.
We didn't stop, we couldn't stop.
So engrossed in how amazing it felt to know what we wanted so bad for as long as we've wanted it.

My heart squeezed, like a rope of emotions were tied around it. Wrapping tighter and tighter with every touch of our lips, our hands.
The look in his eyes sending shivers across my body as his hands flew all over my body, from my legs to my stomach, and my face.
How we laid there in dead silence, how he held my hand, how he looked at me.
How I felt so much love, more love than I have in my life.
So much love.